these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
