Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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