I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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