Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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