Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Randomize
