There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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