Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
