The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
