dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
