i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
