Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
