i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
