i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
