just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Randomize
