Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
