Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
