You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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