either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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