Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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