I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
