he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
