Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
