dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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