I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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