There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
