I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
