My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
The air was thick with penises
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
