Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
