it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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