I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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