coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
