If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
