Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
