A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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