My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
