id be glad to
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
