Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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