You surviving the open bar?
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So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
How external is "for external use only"?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
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