the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
