Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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