Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Randomize
