i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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