This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I puked a lego.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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