my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
