You're completely useless in the revolution.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
it's great music for shaving your balls
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
