I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
