It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
