so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
