If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
