I smell stomach acid.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
