So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
