just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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