U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
