I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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