I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
