69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
