I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
