I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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