My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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