the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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