One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
