there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
